Maternal Instinct

Maternal Instinct
My wife is absolutely petrified of spiders. And I don’t mean a little bit…. We are not talking about “stomp up and down on them” scared. We are not talking about “take something and beat them to a pulp” scared. I am talking about “in ten years of marriage she has never disposed of them on her own but instead summoned me with a blood-curdling scream --“SONNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”” scared of spiders.
By way of example I offer up this exchange from 2005---on my way home from class at LSU one night and my cell phone rings:
Sonny – “Hello?”
Nicole – “WHERE ARE YOU??????!!!!!!!”
Sonny – “I am on my way home from class, Babe. Why?”
Nicole – “THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS HOUSE!!!!! HE WAS ABOUT TO ATTACK ME BUT I THINK I HAVE STOPPED HIM FOR THE TIME BEING!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO HURRY UP AND GET HOME AND TAKE CARE OF HIM.”
Sonny – “Well how did you take care of him, Babe?”
Nicole – “Well he was coming across the carpet at me when I saw him, right? So I got up and I got my hairspray can and a cigarette lighter……. And I was just about to put the flame thrower on him when I realized I might set the carpet on fire and that might set the house on fire. So I hairsprayed him until he balled up and then I put the clothes basket on top of him! Then I put a book on top of the clothes basket.”

So imagine my surprise a few weeks ago…….. Nicole and Derick are sitting on the floor in the living room playing. I am sitting on the couch. When suddenly my wife screams “NO” at the top of her lungs and takes a swat at Derick’s arm, barely grazing him. She then covers her mouth and says “Oh my gosh I can’t believe I just did that!” While she is nearly hyper-ventilating, I am thinking, “Why did you hit him?” but I said nothing. She says “Get over here! There was a spider on Derick’s arm and I just swatted it off him! You need to find it and kill it!”

She was in shock most of the night about how she was willing to swat a spider off Derick. Personally, I was not. Maternal instinct is a strong thing and I figure she would stand in front of a charging herd of spiders for him. Jessica would stand in front of a villainous band of Mexicans!